Zigzag and Cabin Fever!
by wolfwitch94
Summary: Also known as Songs That Piss Off Decepticons. Short side story to Valiant Spirits. While Val searches for Optimus, Ziggy has a little fun with the Nemesis' computer. Warning: involves some annoying songs.


**So uh, yeah this is what happens when the plot bunnies in my head have a little too much sugar. It's silly and a little stupid but also funny. I hope you like it. **

**Oh, I don't own Transformers. Or any of these songs.**

Last time she'd checked, Lola Allios was pretty sure there was not a "Most Likely to Sneak into an Alien Warship" category in her senior yearbook. And if there was, it was doubtful that she would have gotten the most votes to win the position.

But there she was, inside an alien warship.

If only her old classmates could see her now.

Lola peeked around the corner to where the two robots stood talking.

Well, actually only one of the robots talked. The faceless Decepticon didn't seem to be much of a chatterbox, so the dark red robot was having a rather one-sided discussion. Which seemed to suit him just fine.

Was it just her, or did the dark red Decepticon come across as a little narcissistic?

Lola was sure he was talking about the Barri incident with the mining drones. But she couldn't exactly hear because her heart was pounding so loudly that it seemed to drown most other noises out.

Her grip tightened around the small pistol in her hand.

_Calm down and focus._ She told herself. _Find their weak points. _

Lola eyed their wrist joints and various spots along their legs and arms where armor was scarce and revealed delicate wiring underneath. They were small targets, but Lola had managed to shoot smaller. It was doubtful that any wound to those places would be fatal but it might slow them down long enough for her and Zig-zag to escape if they were discovered.

_Speaking of Ziggy…_ Lola glanced back at him.

He had set up two laptops, _and_ a small netbook, _and_ he was fiddling with a small metal gadget.

Lola shook her head. _Where the hell does he keep all of that? _

After a moment Ziggy looked up grinning triumphantly. He held out the gizmo to Lola. It resembled a gun but with dozens of wires sticking out of it and it had a small metal dart on the end. Ziggy handed the gun to Lola and then pointed at the control panel.

_Shoot it._ Ziggy mouthed.

_They'd notice._ Lola replied.

Zig-zag grinned and held up one of the disks he'd used to burn through the grates. He chucked it as far as he could into a corner away from the control panel. The gadget began to crackle and spark.

"What's that?" The red Decepticon asked, drawn to the noise. He walked over to the disk. "A fritzing part?"

The faceless Decepticon turned that way as well.

Right, now was her chance.

Lola jumped out from behind the pillar, took aim, and fired praying that the gun had a long enough range.

The gun let out a small _pop_, and the dart embedded itself into the control panel. It sank into the crevices of the panel, sent out several electrical pulses then detached itself and fell to the floor.

Was that it?

Lola ducked back behind the pillar and looked at Ziggy but he was furiously typing away at his computers. She peeked out at the Decepticons. Her heart dropped to her stomach.

The faceless robot had noticed the open vent.

He crouched down and reached into the grate. After a moment he pulled out one of their glow-sticks that they'd left there.

Lola couldn't breathe. This was it. It was only going to be a matter of time before they were discovered. She turned to warn Ziggy.

Then lights in the room flickered out.

_"Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto Mata o hima de, _

_ Domo arigato, Mr. Roboto Himitsu wo shiri tai, _

_ You're wondering who I am (Secret, secret, I've got a secret) _

_ Machine or mannequin (Secret, secret, I've got a secret) _

_ With parts made in Japan (Secret, secret, I've got a secret) _

_ I am the modern man," _

Lola's jaw went slack as the music blared throughout the room, the lights flickering on and off. She crawled over to Zig-zag.

"What did you do?" she whispered certain that she wouldn't be overhead through the loud lyrics.

Ziggy just winked at her.

Lola peeked around the corner. The faceless Decepticon was back at the control panel, typing furiously. A moment later the music stopped and lights came back on.

_So much for that. _Lola thought.

Then the lights when out again.

_"I'm too sexy for my love, too sexy for my love _

_ Love's going to leave me _

_ I'm too sexy for my shirt, too sexy for my shirt _

_ So sexy it hurts," _

New lyrics came pouring out, this time with the lights flickering different colors.

Lola turned back to Ziggy. "Ok, now you have to tell me what the hell you did."

Zig-zag grinned. "Just something I like to call it the Nesting Doll virus. It's multileveled. Each time No-face over there breaks through one of the levels, another virus opens up, infecting more of the ship's systems. And when it gets to the last level…" Ziggy let out a maniacal cackle.

"You managed to plant a virus?" Lola asked, stunned.

Ziggy puffed up his chest. "Not only did I plant a virus, I'm also stealing a shitload of data too." He gestured to one of his homemade zip drives that was plugged into his computer.

The music cut off, letting them know that the Decepticon had broken through the second layer. The door opened and in walked a large robot with one yellow eye and a gun mounted on his shoulder.

"What the frag is going on in here, Knock Out?" He asked the red Decepticon.

"I'm not quite sure, Breakdown." The robot named Knock Out replied. He stared dumbfounded at the screen.

The lights went out for a third time.

_"It was a one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater _

_ (One-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater) _

_ A one-eyed, one-horned, flyin' purple people eater _

_ Sure looks strange to me (One eye?)" _

Lola turned back to Ziggy. "I'm starting to question your song choices here."

Ziggy shrugged. "Whatever drives them crazy."

"It might drive me crazy too."

Breakdown had his hands over his audio receptors. "Turn it off, Soundwave!" he bellowed.

The faceless Decepticon named Soundwave was frantically typing. Though his black screen showed no emotions, Knock Out and Breakdown could practically see the tension and frustration rolling off of him in waves.

Ziggy packed up his tech and crawled next to Lola. "He's about to hit the next to last layer. Let's bolt when he does."

Sure enough the music stopped and the lights returned to normal.

"Please tell me it's over." Knock Out said.

Not even close.

_"Cabin Fever! _

_ I've got cabin fever it's burning in my brain _

_ I've got cabin fever it's driving me insane _

_ We've got cabin fever, we're flipping out bandanas _

_ Been stuck at sea so long that we have simply gone bananas!" _

"The Muppets?" Lola whispered.

"They never get old. Now let's go!" They ran towards the door that was now opening and closing in time with the music.

They waited a second then jumped through as the door opened. As Lola raced away she glanced back and laughed at the image of the three Decepticons struggling to reign in the chaos that Ziggy had caused.

"Make it stop!" Breakdown yelled.

Soundwave was doing everything he could think of, even going so far as to smack the panel. But nothing worked.

He, Soundwave, the Communications Officer of the Nemesis, could do nothing.

The realization made his processor overload and he fell over backward, smoke rising from his audio receptors.

The two Decepticons stared in disbelief at the fallen Soundwave.

"So who wants to tell Lord Megatron?" Knock Out asked loudly over the music.

_"Cabin fever has ravaged all aboard _

_ This once proud vessel has become a floating psycho ward _

_ We were sailing, sailing headed who knows where _

_ And now though we're all here _

_ We're not all there!" _

**Like I said, it's a little stupid, but it had me laughing. **

**Songs featured: **

**Mr. Roboto by Styx **

**I'm Too Sexy by Right Said Fred (I always imagined this to be Knock Out's theme song for whenever he walked into a room)**

**The Purple People Eater by Sheb Wooley **

**Cabin Fever by The Muppets **

**Warning: Listening to any of these songs may cause one or more of them to get stuck in your head. **


End file.
